Visiting relatives in China for first time

[wanderer]

My relatives in China have extended an invitation for me to visit.

I am not familiar with Chinese etiquette, so I have some questions. When we go out for meals, do I offer to pay? I have heard that Chinese will refuse out of politeness and insist on paying so it's a little of back and forth. When will I know when I'm supposed to be the one paying?

Would it be insulting if I offered to reimburse them for any costs they incurred because of my stay with them? I don't want them to think that I think they can't afford it (costing them "face") but I don't want to seem rude either ...

Any advice?

[douglaslam]

I go back to China yearly. These days, I usually return empty-handed, and carry less than 10 kg in luggage, I bear no gifts. But I do give gifts in cash to those who are close, dear and older than me or younger ones who cannot yet fend for themselves. There aren't many older persons who are close enough to me now, just one person I care about enough and who isn't doing as well. I do give more generously. My circumstances are different.

When I am invited out, I would simply accept the kind gesture and let my host take care of the bill. No back and forth drama played out. Do make known your intention to return the hospitality at a dinner party which would save the spectacle of 'back and forth.' I don't think reimbursement would be a good idea unless it is for expenses related to paying homage to the ancestors' graves. People aren't crying poor these days. Just accept and insist on returning the hospitality the following day or two.

If family elders are about, do give a red packet, 200RMB is a good guide. Limit that to just a few. Children close to the family, allow 100RMB each. It is all up to the individual.

This is my long-winded take on homecoming etiquette.

[wanderer]

Thanks, Douglas. Great advice. If I give a red packet to the elderly, do I give it to both the husband and the wife? Or are they considered one unit?

[douglaslam]

Wanderer, You should give to each one. Happiness and luck should be spread out. Enjoy your time in China.

[ian54]

Doug,



Even though I have been enjoying reading all the posts for the past year, this is my very first post!

I have two nieces planning on visiting our second cousins (three sisters) in Enping in November. They would give red envelopes to our cousins, their husbands and children per your advise above. But how far into the extended family are they supposed to give red envelopes. We understand there may be other relatives in the village more distantly related and we do not know the protocol. Any suggestions would be appreciated

[Henry]

ian 54

These links may help:

artsandculture.google.com/theme/PwKiICEFJXMOJg

www.chinahighlights.com/travelguide/festivals/red-envelop.htm

Henry

[douglaslam]

ian54, Henry has done a good job in posting the links.

To avoid a scene running out of control, do act discreetly when handing out red packets. Your cousins should fill your nieces in on who have more immediate ties to the family. Treat everyone to a luncheon or dinner is also a winning move. It is still very affordable at village level in China. Believe me, your nieces will enjoy the pleasure of entertaining the people with simple tastes and who would take home all the leftovers on the table. I see it play out every year on my visit.

[ian54]

Henry/Douglaslam,

Thank you for for guidance, so my nieces can do the right thing without running into any issues.

Do you have any guidance with regard to paying homage (ching ming) to our ancestors at their graves at the village. Are my nieces expected to pay for the food and assorted items (fireworks etc) and if yes, how much might they be expected to spend for this? I am sure this has been addressed elsewhere on siyigenealogy, but I have found the siyi search feature to be frustrating to use. 

[douglaslam]

ian54, It is the right thing to do paying respects to your ancestors at the graveside. It is definitely the right thing for you to meet all the expenses. Your relatives in the village will know just what to do. Leave it to them to procure the offerings and reimburse them or give them the money upfront. If you want to do it in style, do consider order a whole roast pig, properly prepared, and be cut up and shared after the rituals. The pig will be a big ticket item, depending on the size, you're looking at US$200 and up. It is worth it and when you show the video or images back home, your nieces will earn plenty of ohh ahhs and brownie points. It is always the highlight.

I send money home for Ching Ming each year and a roast pig is always on the cards.

[Henry]

ian54,

Paying your respects inside of the ancestral home is always a good thing to do.

If you go to the village cemetery to pay your respects, you may have more people attending that you expected - for the food & red envelopes.

When I visited the village cemetery, we had an additional 75 people from the two adjoining villages.

Paying respects in the ancestral house is affordable, paying respects at the village cemetery can run into some real money - we spent over $1,000 USD with the food & red envelopes.

You are expected to cover the cost for paying your respects in the house or in the village cemetery.

Henry

[ian54]

Hi Henry,

Thanks for the words of wisdom! That would burn a big hole in anyone's budget, especially if there are two ancestral villages involved.. I will heed your advise when its my turn to go to visit my ancestral village in about 13 months time. I will relay this information to my nieces when they travel to the ancestral villages in two months time.

Can you advise what they need to get internet access in China? I understand they may need a Sim card? I read that they should buy the Sim card and get it installed, as soon as they land at the airport in China. 

Also, do they need VPN? I heard that China has banned VPN. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

Ian

[Henry]

ian54,

The Great Fire Wall of China has blocked many websites that people outside of China often use:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Websites_blocked_in_mainland_China

Before I visited China last November, I heeded the advice of my friend who was already in China and I bought & installed Express VPN on my laptop before I went to China:

www.expressvpn.com/

It is on a monthly subscription - so, you can just get it for a month or two - but, it certainly works.

I suggest you check with the technical staff that provides you with your email service if they will allow you to access your emails from China. In my case, it did not, I used SKYPE and called and they said that their software checks the IP address of everybody trying to access their email server, if it detects that the IP address is located in China - it is blocked. I had to ask them to forward my emails to my Gmail account and I could use my Express VPN to access Gmail, which is blocked in China.

Before I go to China this Fall, I will forward my emails to my Gmail, install Express VPN on my laptop & on my mobile phone. I highly recommend also downloading & installing WeChat on your mobile phone. I will be using WeChat to announce any last minute schedule changes to our Chinese genealogy workshop group as we go touring and if some member of our group gets separated or lost from the group they can send their location and we can then send somebody to rescue them.

As for mobile phones, I suggest you get a SIM card from China Unicom ( supports most Western unlocked mobile phones ) at one of the telephone stores at the airport - there are so many plans to choose from and they will make sure it is working before you leave the store. This link allows you to check if your mobile phone works in a foreign country:

Check your mobile phone compatibility: www.frequencycheck.com/

The SIM card also allows you to use your mobile phone as your own private WiFi/ hot-spot for your laptop computer - this protects you from others seeing your financial info from a public WiFi.

Henry

[genekl]

Three weeks ago I couldn't get a SIM card anywhere,even Shenzhen airport staff said none available on the premises. Shops on the street would not sell one without a China ID. Maybe a new secxurity policy. Som people online said they still get them but maybe the shop is doing something illegal.

I managed to find some online here in Malaysia, only for data. No phone number, so no voice calls or SMS. Can use WeChat voice.  These are mostly Hong Kong ones that can access FB,Google, etc.  There is a Guangdong and HK only one that has more data, lasts longer and cheaper too, but non renewable after 16 days. The older type HongKong ones actually gave you two numbers but I don't know how to buy those now.

I think it is China Unicom that has one to buy with credit card online and  sent to your hotel but it is a lot more expensive and  probably cannot access blocked sites. However, it gives you a number and facility to extend annually for a fee.

[tyuti1668]

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