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Post by Woodson on Feb 14, 2006 15:20:21 GMT -5
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzales said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".
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Post by David Wong on Feb 15, 2006 18:07:18 GMT -5
Yes ... I've heard about these ruthless advocators of math instruction. I hope you don't mind me getting off on a tangent here, but the common denominator in all of these conspiracy theories is the square root of all evil ... and that is, the love of the Flag and Apple Pi .
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