Memories of....grief, grief managment and hope
Dec 17, 2008 6:51:49 GMT -5
Post by douglaslam on Dec 17, 2008 6:51:49 GMT -5
I believe most of our members and visitors are born outside of China. I 'd like to share some of my memories of China in the early 50s.
China was very much a third world country when I was a little boy. Medical care was lacking and infant mortality was high. I remember seeing children of my age or younger had snot running down their noses, or pus oozing from the ears, or open sores on the scalps, or a combination of all three.( Perhaps the medicos amongst us could give the afflictions their correct names.)
Infant mortality was commonplace happening. It is normally dealt with by the family concerned expeditiously. I saw a neighbour simply took the lifeless body of an infant in the crook of his arm, wrapped in a straw mat or cloth, walked out the house and probably buried it on a hillside somewhere. There was no ceremony, no memorial or grave marking. The mother was left to sob and wail, and comforted by other women. But she soon learnt to pick up the pieces and carried on with life in struggle street.
By contrast, I often read of people nowadays could not let go of a stillborn child in a stoic manner as our women are capable of. They take pictures of and bath the lifeless child. In one case, the cadaver was allowed to be taken home, refrigerated, and taken out each day for a week, to bath and dress as if it was still alive. It is bizarre; it is macabre!
Is it a cultural thing that our women have greater intestinal fortitude to dealt with life,death, and grief? The psychologist amongst us could perhaps enlighten me on this.
In China or on TV when I see the little children with their round faces, boys with short cropped hair, in colourful padded jackets, playing in the schoolyard, I feel happy. They look healthy, they are in school, a picture very different from what I remember back in the 50s. I am lost for words to express my elation and hope for the future of my home country.
China was very much a third world country when I was a little boy. Medical care was lacking and infant mortality was high. I remember seeing children of my age or younger had snot running down their noses, or pus oozing from the ears, or open sores on the scalps, or a combination of all three.( Perhaps the medicos amongst us could give the afflictions their correct names.)
Infant mortality was commonplace happening. It is normally dealt with by the family concerned expeditiously. I saw a neighbour simply took the lifeless body of an infant in the crook of his arm, wrapped in a straw mat or cloth, walked out the house and probably buried it on a hillside somewhere. There was no ceremony, no memorial or grave marking. The mother was left to sob and wail, and comforted by other women. But she soon learnt to pick up the pieces and carried on with life in struggle street.
By contrast, I often read of people nowadays could not let go of a stillborn child in a stoic manner as our women are capable of. They take pictures of and bath the lifeless child. In one case, the cadaver was allowed to be taken home, refrigerated, and taken out each day for a week, to bath and dress as if it was still alive. It is bizarre; it is macabre!
Is it a cultural thing that our women have greater intestinal fortitude to dealt with life,death, and grief? The psychologist amongst us could perhaps enlighten me on this.
In China or on TV when I see the little children with their round faces, boys with short cropped hair, in colourful padded jackets, playing in the schoolyard, I feel happy. They look healthy, they are in school, a picture very different from what I remember back in the 50s. I am lost for words to express my elation and hope for the future of my home country.