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Post by geoff on Dec 12, 2009 14:31:32 GMT -5
Is there a list of chinese do's & don'ts just before, during & after the funeral of a loved one?
geoff
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Post by Woodson on Dec 13, 2009 14:19:58 GMT -5
Geoff,
The most common and widely observed that I could think of are:
1 - refrain from visiting the home of friends and relative during the first month
2 - handing out white envelopes with a piece of candy and coin(s)
3 - envelope with money (利是) to people who are involved with the funeral
4 - female family members wearing different colour string flower during the period of mourning
5 - leaving the front porch light on the night before the funeral
6 - meal before the funeral varies from local to local
Of course, we no longer wear white made of coarse material. We have accepted the western black as the colour of mourning.
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Post by Doug 周 on Dec 13, 2009 15:47:13 GMT -5
The purpose of the money in the envelope is to purchase candy or something sweet to ward away any semblance of death. My wife would be so angry if I did not purchase some candy with the money and instead brought the money home.
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Post by Ah Gin on Dec 13, 2009 16:16:51 GMT -5
Family members should not say "Thank you" to friends who attended the funeral. Instead, say, "Yow Sum" in Cantonese, which roughly translates to "You are very considerate (for attending the funeral, and your care about our family etc)".
After all, there is nothing worth thanking about in things associated with death -- that's the way it as explained to me.
Regards, Ah Gin
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Post by geoff on Dec 26, 2009 6:47:25 GMT -5
Thank you for your replies.
When I posed the question on 13th , I didn't know that I'd be using your knowledge less than 3 weeks later.
May Dad rest in peace.
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Post by Ah Gin on Dec 26, 2009 15:18:11 GMT -5
Geoff,
My thoughts with you and your family. May your father rests in peace. His memory and results of his efforts live on.
Kind regards, Ah Gin
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Post by geoff on Dec 27, 2009 7:46:54 GMT -5
Thank you Ah Gin.
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Post by harc3 on Dec 27, 2009 9:09:39 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss Geoff. Thoughts are with you and your family. May he rest in peace
Take care
Rick
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Post by Woodson on Dec 27, 2009 19:32:52 GMT -5
Sorry to hear of your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kevin
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Post by helen on Dec 28, 2009 1:02:56 GMT -5
Dear Geoff, Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. Regards - Helen
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Post by geoff on Jan 3, 2010 12:44:16 GMT -5
Thank you everyone.
ahgin,
I sent you a message.
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Post by Ah Gin on Jan 3, 2010 16:24:49 GMT -5
Geoff,
I am sorry I missed your message to me, think sent on the 27th Dec 2009. I still have not develop the habit of looking out for a Message on this Forum -- so it's a good thing you alerted me to the in coming message. As a good manners thing I usually respond to a message addressed to me, and usualy on a timely fashion if I have access to the Internet. Once again, my apologies.
I will respond to your Message next.
Kind regards, Ah Gin
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Post by Ah Gin on Jan 23, 2010 22:05:17 GMT -5
Geoff,
I sent you a private message some weeks ago, re Funeral Protocol etc. Did you receive it? Reading Al's message to you caused me to wonder if my message to you was received as well.
Regards, Ah Gin
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Post by geoff on Jan 24, 2010 3:23:34 GMT -5
ahgin,
Yes, I received your private message. Thanks
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Post by Ah Gin on Jan 24, 2010 5:00:03 GMT -5
Geoff,
Thanks responding. I was concerned that my message disappears into the ether.
On the related question of protocol at Chinese funeral: One year ago a dear friend and colleague in Chinese Heritage research passed away at a young age of 56.
Recalling the protocol we chose to exercise, before and after the funeral:
The few days before her passing, we party at her hospital room. We served her all her favorite food: jook, roast duck, roast pork, tea.
At her funeral, her cortege passed through Creswick Old Chinatown, as well asher childhood home in Ballarat. By her grave side, at the burial, we served each mourner a bottle of water, sweet, and a sprig of cypress branch.
One year on, just yesterday, at the anniversary of her passing, her family held a celebration picnic by her graveside, dedicated her headstone and we served her a cup of tea and burned joss sticks. The celebration was attended by close family members.
Now weather we have followed any strict protocol at the funeral and after wards, we know not, but we felt it was the thing she would enjoy and appreciate, and it gave us a peace of mind.
She was a great individual, and we will miss her very much. By the way, she is not a Chinese person, but of English extraction. In fact there is convict blood in her -- her ancestors started life in this Colony in Tasmania.
Thought I will share this personal story with the forum.
Regards, Ah Gin
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