lost relatives of genetic grandfather from Medan

[bleon]

Hello guys,

I am third generation of Medan chinese. My grandfather was an adopted son of a man from medan. He was adopted by a Leung family (cantonese) and therefore usually would mean that my genetic great grandfather is also cantonese. My grandma told us that the great grandfather is a tailor and opium addict.

There was once someone who claimed as a relative from Hongkong but refused an appointment by my grandfather.

my grandfather would be around 70 by now and great grandfather would be around 90 years old?

This is a complete family tree checkmate, I don't think I can find any more clues. ANy help is welcome.

[bleon]

update: apparently my genetic family is still in Medan but my grandmother refuses to tell us. Anyone who knows anyone in medan whose grandfather is missing a brother please let me know.

[laohuaqiao]

It seems to me getting your grandmother to tell the story is the way to go. Perhaps others here can give more in sight on what are your grandmother's possible concerns, assurances you can give her to get her to speak, etc.

[Doug 周]

bleon,

I agree with laohuaqiao. The initial information you need for your genealogy research starts with your grandmother. You are fortunate that you still have elders alive to help your Chinese heritage research. Let me repeat the cliche that told to all beginning genealogist: start with what you know. Write down all the relationships you presume, and then get your elders and relatives to help you fill in the blanks. The initial genealogy research begins with the people closest to you. You will need to gather the names and locations in Chinese characters.

I know you did not share why your grandmother declined to tell you anything, but let me surmise and assume (less for the sake of answering your question, but to give advice to lurking would-be genealogist with similar situations).

Family history is a personal and serious endeavor to most people. Genealogy is so ingrained in the family that many overseas Chinese continue the tradition of calling their close relatives not by their actual names, but by their relationship to their immediate family members. In the past, the family tree booklets (jiapu) were the official written compilation of these relationships. They were maintained by the most scholarly of clan members.The books confirmed kinship and relationships and were helpful in adjudicating conflicts. Therefore, think of your elders in these terms.

Many beginning family historians will initiate their interview, "Tell me grandma about your life!" With that opened ended initial inquiry, frequently the answer is:

• There is nothing to tell.
  
• It will not interest you.
  
• It is unimportant.
  
• (other forum members, please add to this list)
  

If you give up after this initial inquiry, then you have confirmed your elder's suspicions of not being serious and you therefore have not earned the right to question her about her history.

Bringing a tripod, video camera (a good idea but not for an initial inquiry) with all the lights and paraphernalia of a studio can be intimidating. Make your conversation with her short and comfortable, just chatting about various individuals and near past family history. Take it in small bits. Make sure you write down everything afterwards (not in her presence initially). Your short term memory will not be as good as you think. Most important, as you listen to her story, be ready to go off on tangents as the situation arise. This is the concept of active listening, and is a hallmark of a skilled interviewer. It does take trial and error.

You will slowly gain her trust, and she will look forward to sharing with you. Be aware that even elders with early dementia will have their long term memory better preserved than their recollection of short term events.

If she has an acutely terminal disease and the time is too short to take things slowly, then you will of course need to accelerate your steps. But still take it in steps. Elders, knowing the end is near, need only be convinced of your conviction and interest to want to tell their story.

This is a great reference: "The Oral History Workshop: Collect and Celebrate the Life Stories of Your Family and Friends" by Cynthia Hart & Lisa Samson. 180 paperback pages. Workman Publishing Company; Original edition (November 26, 2009). English language. ISBN-10: 0761151974. ISBN-13: 978-0761151975.

Look at this Wiki: How to Start Your Chinese Family Heritage Research^click

IMHO
Doug

[swwong]

Incidentally, as you might have read on another thread, I have Medan Cantonese ancestry as well.

I just want to touch on the subject of adopted/bought sons. My grandfather himself bought "son(s)" though none survived infancy. My father, who is his natural son, was born when my grandfather was already over 55 and was the only child that lived. Also, my grandfather's brothers also bought sons probably because they had difficulty in begetting their own for various reasons .... syphillis probably was one of them! Sometimes a boy would be bought for wife no. 1 if she couldn't have her own even though other wives did. All in all, it was a painful history, I would surmise.

On my mother's side, her aunt had 3 sons and sold 2 during WWII in order to survive. Although one of the "sold" sons did make contact many years later, he was a very anguished soul. By then he had emigrated to the US with his adopted family and wasn't having a very good life. You could say he was damaged.

Perhaps your grandmother is mindful of all the pain and hurt that past events might have brought and has chosen to keep silent about them, which is a very Chinese thing to do.

[helen]

My father died when I was very young, and I used to ask my Mother about my father's family. She used to say, I don't know - and she didn't. She came from China to NZ as a married teenager - and probably in those days, and because of her age, it would not have been appropriate to question her father in law - let alone her sister in laws. It took me a long time to find out about my father - via elderley relatives and old frilends.