On Funeral Rituals

[Ah Gin]

Last month was a stressful time for our family. All within weeks and very near to the Chinese New Year month, we lost three loved ones. One was a Buddhist (in her 80s), one a Christian (Just over 60), another (she was 56) who preferred to have a secular service. We are still feeling the loss and in mourning. The funerals, one after another in quick succession, brought back memories of funerals for my parents (Chinese funeral, held in Malaysia) and my in laws (Buddhist funeral in Australia). All lived to ripe old age. (but death is always a sad thing, whatever age).

I know death and dying is a difficult subject. But taking the subject at a "professional" level, as a Social Historical Event, would you folks like to share your memories and rituals as exercised by your family?


Regards, Ah Gin

[douglaslam]

Ahgin,
Indeed, last month must have been a difficult one for you. Funeral is not a morbid business. In the village people prefer to die at home. My late mother would not enter a hospice overnight even for a check up.

When people passes away, the body is usualy put on view in the front living room or hall. It is there for for everyone to mourn,to wail. When my mother passed away in 2006, about a month before the New Year ( she was in her mid-nineties), I had to make a rush trip home. I asked if there were refrigeration units available. There were.

When I got home with my wife, I could see my mother was placed on planks on the floor with a transparent cover over her. The ritual to send her off got underway immediately, and went straightaway to a crematorium. Our party waited, and when it was ready, mother's still warm ashes were given to me unceremoniusly in a reused cardboard box. No burials are allowed in Zhongshan.

Not surprisingly, the biggest cost was food. From the moment mother drew her last breath, people were informed, some to stay in the house at all hours, I had to feed them. even before my return. So we provided lunch each day at a restaurant, thirty or fourty people would turned up, children,too. Very boisterous, quite unlike a funeral. Afterall mother was well over 90. At the wake, there was an even bigger turn out. The restaurant owner, a fellow villager knew I was from abroad, and charged accordingly. He was actually related generations back.


In the old days, a decent burial and a good coffin were essential. Many old folks prepared their passings well in advance. They bought a coffin, store it in a dark corner at home, put on a fresh coat of varnish each year. They called it adding long longevity.

I remember playing hide and seek in a fellow village kid's house, and I found this perferct place to hide. When my eyes got adjusted to the darkness, what I saw there was a coffin!! It scared the daylight out of me. I never run faster in my life.

Douglas

[Ah Gin]

Douglas,

Thanks for sharing. Gee, I have heard about people storing coffins at home, back in the village, but never come across real live experience such as yours where there was one at home. I do remember my mother having sets of 壽衣 (longevity clothing) at home all ready for death and dying. But no coffin at home. Place in the jungle was too small to store the big box.

I recall my father's passing in 1994, in Malaysia. It was a Chinese / Buddist style, cremation. His body was in a coffin, placed at home, for I think two nights, to wait for all of us to come home and other arrangements. There was a glass cover. He was in full view. My parent's place was not exactly big, and all of us were home for the funeral. A tent-like structure was put up in frint of the house, and there was the chanting by the Taoist monk every so often. There was the bowing, kneeing by us mourners, as and when the monk commands us. There was a constant stream of visitors, to pay respect to my father and our family. Like all good Chinese events, there was food. My father died a ripe old age, but that did not lessen the pain. The hardest part for me was the ceremony of Closing of the Coffin. I still hear the sound of the nailing of the coffin, and to this day it still ring in my ears. There was the ceremony of Thanks Giving, where the town folks and his friends paid special respect to him, as the closed coffin moved from the family lounge to outside the house. The speeches by the local people really hit me. I was very proud of my father's achievements, but to hear the town folks giving a public eulogy was tough for me. I recall we lined up in two rows, the men on one side, the women on another line, as we bow in acknowledgement to the kind words uttered by folks. After the thanks giving, it was the start of the journey from home to the cremetorium. My brother held a big joss stick, as we drove to the cemetery. He was the eldest in the surviving family, hence he had that honour and responsibility. There was a brass band. There was the Chinese band as well -- drums, cymbles etc. Interestingly, my mother was not allowed to go on the journey. Seems like it was tradition. I think it is a hard tradition, but then that's the way it was.

15 years on, it is still as fresh a memory.

Regards, Ah Gin

[douglaslam]

Ahgin,
The people in the village pre-arranged everything for my mother's funeral before my arrival. They knew I wouldn't negate on my responsibility. There were chants and other details which I did not elaborate. We were ushered out of the house when the undertakers placed mother in the coffin.
There was no nicety of an eulogy Custom dictates everyone give accordingly towards the costs. A small amount was collected., and recorded. There was a few musicians. One man played an instrument with a bell, not unlike a trumpet, it had a very loud, clear and rich sound. It was only a simple but correct funeral.

Douglas

[tyuti1668]

Feb 27, 2009 6:26:38 GMT -5 douglaslam said:

Ahgin,
The people in the village pre-arranged everything for my mother's funeral before my arrival. They knew I wouldn't negate on my responsibility. There were chants and other details which I did not elaborate. We were ushered out of the house when the undertakers placed mother in the coffin.
...instrument with a bell, not unlike a trumpet, it had a very loud, clear and rich sound. It was only a simple but correct funeral.

Douglas

That instrument is 嗩吶. Known as "D打" by Cantonese speaker. Rumor said "D打佬" were heavy opium smoker b4 the PRC . Also heard the traditional ""喃嘸佬" in Longdu learn how to pray in proper 福建 way"孔子正" unlike in Cantonese nowadays.

[douglaslam]

tyuti1668,
Thanks for providing the proper name, I only know it as de da. I was impress by the de da lo's rendition. It the de da was discovered early, it might be included in a western orchestra.

[geoff]

I'll give you a description of funeral service held in an Aussie country town for my Aussie born chinese uncle. I need to set the scene as it's so different to the traditional chinese funeral described above. I suppose you'd call it 95% western style with a hint of chinese.

On Monday Mum received the sad news that her elder brother had died. He was the last of her family to live in that NSW country town 290km north west of Sydney. How did the family come to live there, being over 7,000km from their ancestral village in China? Mum's father moved there to take over the management of the large chinese clan owned country general store in 1897. The store sold Aussie products to the town people as well as farm machinery etc to the surrounding wheat & sheep farmers.

On Tuesday, Mum started to receive some questions about the family history from her younger brother who passed the answers back to the lady (290km away) who was going to perform the eulogy.

The funeral was planned for 2pm Friday afternoon, so as to give us time to drive from Sydney as well as from other nearby country towns. At the last minute, Mum couldn't accompany us as she had to stay & look after Dad. Thank goodness for the digiital camera as I gave it to my cousin to use to record those who attended Uncle's wake, for Mum to view later. We arrived with plenty of time to spare & had "reserved parking" right infront of the Anglican church. All the funeral arrangements were made over the phone & went without a hitch. The service was conducted by the Archdeacon followed by a eulogy from Uncle's mate's daughter & representatives of various local social organisations.

As we departed the church for the cemetery, we could see a street lined on both sides with Uncle's mates, heads bowed, many in their 70's & 80's, standing to attention & dressed in their respective "club attire". People walking in the streets stopped to pay their respects as the cortege drove thru most the streets of this small country town. At the cemetery, I was a pall bearer, a moment I'll never forget. Another ceremory was conducted by the Archdeacon & Uncle was laid to rest, beside his elder brother & near his mother. "Chinese red packets" were distributed at Uncle's funeral.

Later, Mum's friend sent her a copy of uncle's funeral notice in the local paper & the funeral director sent us digitals of uncle's grave.

A different burial for an Aussie born chinese.

[Ah Gin]

Geoff,

Thanks for sharing. Talking about death and dying is never easy, however long ago that event was.

Thought I will share with you folks another version, and quite a recent one, in fact one day after Australia Day. It was for a close family friend -- more like family than friend -- having "grew up" together in the last 30 odd years. So the sad situation was and still very painful to our family.

Her funeral at Creswick Cemetery was for family and very closed friends only -- besides her immediate family, uncle, aunt, cousins, my wife and I and another very close friend, were the only non blood relatives. Her hearst, escorted by her husband, went from Melbourne, passed her childhood home in Ballarat, then to Creswick, droved passed Creswick Old Chinatown, Creswick old Chinese Cemetery, and then to the Crewsick cemetery. It was a homeward bound journey. Her resting place is a very peaceful and restful part of the Creswick cemetery, really not far from the Chinese Section. She wanted a green burial, and the closest was a casket constructed of cardboard from Adelaide. It was a very dignified secular grave-side ceremony, with a touch of Chinese culture at the end of the burial service -- each mourner was given a bottle of water (to quench the thirst), a sprig of cyprus branch (for longetivity) and a sweet wrapped in red paper (to take away any sadness).

In the afternoon of her burial we had a Memorial Gathering at a heritage-looking location, where well over 200 people turned up. Her husband, son, daughter, nephew, nieces, my wife and I spoke at her memorial. It was particularly emotional for us. How can you say farewell to your best friend?

She was of a Convict Blood Stock, her ancestors in Australia started life in Tasmania. She was a great champion of Chinese Heritage Research and a great Chinese Heritage researcher in her own right. In consultation with her family, we adopted some of the customs of a Chinese funeral.

Regards, Ah Gin

[douglaslam]

Geoff,
Your uncle had earned the respect of the people in a small township in country NSW. I think he was representative of the traders who were part and pacel of country life. They stood by their loyal customers, gave credit in bad times ( to the black fellas,too), and involved in the local community affairs. I knew of a Chinese general store owner who passed away in Moree many years ago. The shopkeepers all stood outside to pay their last respect as the cortege drove pass.

Very few of the new wave of migrants settle in country towns, apart from the ubiquitous Chinese restaurants and takeaway outlets. I enjoyed motoring holiday in the country when I last owned a car. The country people are simple, and easy going. They still have counter lunch, and old hotel rooms with wrapped-around balcony are enormous. My children used to love them.

Douglas

[laohuaqiao]

Death is a subject not normally talked about in daily conversations within my family. The little pieces of information of our local rituals I have heard over the years gave me the impression the Chinese rural peasants were always very pragmatic.

Prior to 1949. and maybe for some times after that, burial for the dead was a two step process. The corpse was wrapped around with a straw mat and buried in a temporary grave. Then the second step was the "bone gathering" process some time later (a predetermined time, such as a year, presumably to ensure the body had been completely decayed) , the bones were dug up, put into a ceramic urn and buried in a permanent grave.

It makes a lot of sense, since land was precious and needed for farming, burying the bones alone didn't have to take up much land. It wouldn't surprise me if the temporary grave sites were always near farm lands or the dirt around the temporary grave sites were reused on the farms.

I wonder if others can either confirm this practice in their local area or shed more light on it.

[tyuti1668]

Mar 1, 2009 6:26:08 GMT -5 laohuaqiao said:

Death is a subject not normally talked about in daily conversations within my family. The little pieces of information of our local rituals I have heard over the years gave me the impression the Chinese rural peasants were always very pragmatic.

Prior to 1949. and maybe for some times after that, burial for the dead was a two step process. The corpse was wrapped around with a straw mat and buried in a temporary grave. Then the second step was the "bone gathering" process some time later (a predetermined time, such as a year, presumably to ensure the body had been completely decayed) , the bones were dug up, put into a ceramic urn and buried in a permanent grave.

It makes a lot of sense, since land was precious and needed for farming, burying the bones alone didn't have to take up much land. It wouldn't surprise me if the temporary grave sites were always near farm lands or the dirt around the temporary grave sites were reused on the farms.

I wonder if others can either confirm this practice in their local area or shed more light on it.

ceramic urn=金塔
Longdu, Zhongshan still had that custom till late 90's ("NO burials" policy. )
Straw pad always = the poor's coffin (Old custom believe the coffin is the "house". I heard some "scary" stories about ansector complained their "leaking" room -cardboard coffin in 70's ). Depends the local custom & coffin quality ~5 yrs is the lowest completely decayed /My grandpa transfer to the 金塔 after 30 years

[douglaslam]

I remeber well when I was a little boy going to and returning home on the back of a bicycle or steam-powered bus on a day trip to Shekki, we used to pass hillsides storing hundreds of urns containing skeletal remains. I knew because some of the urns were shattered, and I could see the bones. The sight did make me uncomfortable, I tried not to look or to look with my eyes half shut.

Now all the hills are levelled for high rise development, factories or highways, no more bones to be seen. I could not recognised any of the landmarks.